I Need to Go Outside!

I tried everything: I brought you the collar for the first time in my life and waited like a good dog, but nothing. I barked so loudly that I seemed like a bulldog, but you slapped my snout. I licked your leg, but you kicked me away. I jumped like Ronaldo, but you ignored me. I did the sweetest puppy eyes ever, but you continued playing. I stood in front of the TV trying to block the view, but you moved me as if I were meaningless. I don’t like it when you treat me like a plush toy; I’m still your dog. I don’t know if you understand that this is an urgent call! I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE!!! I can’t resist anymore. Stop that thing and go outside with me. Now! Why don’t you pay attention to your lovely dog? I’m trying to be good, but you are not helping me; I need it. If you take me outside, I will let you play, okay? (Silence) Okay, I’ll take that as a no. If Mom wasn’t here, I would poop inside, but good dogs don’t poop in the house. One time I remember that I pooped in the house, and Mom chased me all over with two Havaianas. (Alternately, you could say shoes or flip flops) Why don’t you answer my questions? (Waiting) I give up. I can’t wait any longer. I’m going to ask Dad to take me out, but I promise that this lack of respect won’t be easily forgotten.